Trapped in the Underground (HIATUS)
by leslie.borle
Summary: What happens when you wake up in the Underground with no memories, and more besides? I am in the process of updating all of my currently published chapters. Stay tuned for chapters 16-23, already written. Chapters 1 & 2 are fully updated.
1. Confusion

You woke up to descending snow. You don't know how. You just had a distinct feeling like you shouldn't have been able to. You could feel the cold, but it didn't bother you at all as flake after flake dropped onto your face and whispered by your ears.

Dark trees loomed up from the ground, shooting all the way up to the sky. But. . . wait. That. . . . . that wasn't the sky. It looked more like a cave ceiling. You focused more on the ceiling from where you lay, spotting a large stalactite made of ice, by your best guess. How was it snowing? Where where you? You decided to look around.

As you turned your head to the left, you heard crunching snow to your right. You whipped your head around and instantly regretted it as your head stung and spun, making you feel a strangely empty form of nausea and dizziness. It was more like a memory of nausea. Once your vision cleared and stopped spinning, you opened your eyes again. No one was there, but there were foot imprints that abruptly stopped as though someone SHOULD have been there. Were you going insane? Was this a dream? Did you have any injuries?

Slowly, you turned your head back to the left. A huge door stood there ominously. It was probably about 8 feet tall and about as wide. It tapered at the top like an upside down shield with a split down the middle. It was colored a dusty purple and had an emblem that was split between the two parts of the door. You immediately got the feeling that this place didn't have happy memories. You gingerly pushed yourself into a sitting position and pulled up your hand to rub your aching head. That's when you noticed something was very wrong.

You didn't have any skin.

Hyperventilation. Panic. Fear. Confusion. Concern. Worry. Nausea. Silent screams threatened to escape.

What the FUCK happened to you?! You kept staring at your hand, nothing but bones. You kept expecting it to just fall apart. How was it staying together? Then you realized something else was off about all this. You had no memories. There was nothing. You just knew that there was supposed to be flesh on your hand.

The crunch of snow happened again, but you turned your head slowly this time. There, in front of you, was a person. But he was a skeleton too. Could you call a skeleton a person? Did the same thing happen to him, whatever this was? A loose pair of black shorts hung around his pelvis, but he was so short that they were practically pants. He had on a white cowl-necked shirt and an unzipped blue hoodie. His pink slippers were making tracks in the snow, with the tails that happen when you drag your feet. His eye sockets held a soft white light in two small spots, and they shifted when he looked you up and down. An almost face-splitting smile was plastered on his face.

"hey, kid. you okay? you're not looking so hot."

You felt slightly miffed at being called a kid, but as you tried to remember how old you were, you realized you had no idea. You didn't even know your name.

"hey."

You looked up at him sharply and he extended his hand out to you. Bone.

"can you even talk, kid? you look freaked out."

Well, at least this time you didn't get that weird memory version of ill. You took his offered hand and he gently helped you up. You didn't feel any pain but you winced anyway. This was a strange sensation, and an even stranger situation, like rubbing your hand on a pumice stone. You pulled your right hand next to your left and inspected them side by side. Same thing. Bone.

"the name's sans. sans the skeleton. i'm a sentry in these parts, but to be honest with ya, i'm not very good at that. heck, i didn't even see ya. where'd ya come from, anyway? what's your name?"

"I don't know," you said quietly as you shook your head. You had the overwhelming feeling of helplessness and continued to stare at your hands. To be honest, you were just surprised you could speak at all.

"you don't even know your name? must have been one hell of an impact."

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, making a grating bone on bone sound. The sound made you physically cringe in that way that nails scraping on chalkboards do. He must have noticed because he gripped you tighter. He gave you a quick once-over before he spoke again.

"maybe we should go back to my sentry station, sit you down. ya know, so i can monitor you."

You nodded, suddenly feeling a rushing wave of exhaustion. You truly doubted you could have gotten lost down the straight path through the trees to the sentry station, but Sans held you up, putting himself under your arm, and led you there anyway. He sat you down on the stool behind the desk thing that served as his station.

"ya hungry, kid? there's some stuff on the shelf underneath."

He waved his hand lazily towards the shelf as he walked around the station to look at something in the snow. Truthfully, you didn't know if you were hungry. But even so, you looked down and saw bottles of ketchup neatly put into rows by mustard and relish. It struck you as odd, but you grabbed a bottle of ketchup anyway.

"i feel like i need a **ketch-up**."

He winked at you and you couldn't help but laugh. A punny skeleton? Wait. He WINKED.

"ah, good. we'll get along just fine, but my bro hates puns. sad, isn't it? i feel i **must** - **ard** warn ya."

A chuckle emanated from you before you could stop it. You smiled at him. He made you feel at ease, less scared, even though you knew absolutely nothing about him. It was nice, and kind of reassuring. He started casually drinking some ketchup he pulled from his pocket.

"Oh, come on! That doesn't make any **Sans**!"

He gave you a bit of a chuckle and an even bigger smile, if that were possible. At the very least, it felt more genuine.

"so you feelin' any better, kid? oh, let me get that cap for ya. you might, uh, have a problem opening it. you're shaking pretty bad."

You hadn't noticed until just now that you were shaking, thanks to Sans's comment.

"Hey, Sans? Where am I?"

He looked up at you, his hand hovering above yours on his way to grabbing the bottle, like he was waiting for permission. You closed the gap between your hands and handed him the bottle. He started unscrewing the cap before he responded. He seemed concerned for a split second, or maybe you were seeing things.

"you're in this **cool** place called snowdin."

"You're awfully punny, aren't you? Not that I'm complaining. Puns. . . .kind of a guilty pleasure."

"yeah, i tend to pun as much as i can. i get real bored just sitting here all day. gotta amuse myself somehow, right? well, i tend to go to grillby's or take naps too. speaking of, ya hungry? like real kinda hungry?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess. I don't know when the last time I ate was."

He gave you a skeptical look, as though he was trying to figure out what was wrong with you. He seemed to dismiss it almost immediately, but part of you felt like he had lingering concerns this time.

"heh. you sure don't know a lot. anyway, i know a shortcut there. take my hand."

After you took his proffered hand, he snapped his fingers with that awful grating sound again and you could have sworn you saw, for the briefest moment, a faint blue line in the air. Before you had the chance to look again, you found yourself facing a person with fire for a head. You tried to keep your eyes from going really wide and screaming. The only thing that stopped you was the spinning in your head.

"hey grillbz."

The flame man looked up at Sans and nodded.

"you want a burger or fries, kiddo?"

"Um, I d-don't have any money," you stammered as you tapped your pockets. "I don't want to put you out. How – ?"

He looked at you with a smirk and waved off your concerns.

"ah, don't worry about it, kiddo. 'sides, someone's got an eye socket on ya."

You looked at him incredulously. An eye socket? He noticed the look and pointed behind you. Some strange, pale fish monster was sitting behind you and just staring. You turned back to Sans and couldn't help the shudder that crept down your spine. He seemed to get a kick out of that and laughed a little.

"don't worry 'bout it, kid. she does that to everyone."

He swiveled on his chair and turned his head to half look at you, half eye the monster behind you. You were sure there was some kind of silent communication that happened there because you heard the chair behind you squeak, then he turned his full attention back to you.

"so? what did you want?"

He looked at you expectantly, so you smiled.

"A burger? Please?"

"you heard the kid. two burgers and a bottle of ketchup, grillbz."

Then you had a sudden horror strike you. Where did the food go, if you were all bones? You scanned Sans and found no major stains at the bottom of his shirt, so it must go somewhere, right?

"hey, you okay, kid?"

Well, shit. He noticed you looking.

"Um, y-yeah. I'm just realizing it's strange that I'm a skeleton and I eat. Food. Where does it go?"

Sans only offered a shrug in response. Well, that wasn't very helpful.

You sat in mildly uncomfortable silence for a while, looking around at the tavern you were in. Tan woods and brown walls surrounded the tight room. There were a couple booths and a few tables, one of which had a large dog bowl seemingly screwed into it. The bar itself was incredibly smooth and smelled like almonds, which was an odd scent to pick up, considering the rest of the tavern smelled like a fast food restaurant run by a kennel club. There was an old busted jukebox in one corner of the room. A purple neon sign saying "Grillby's" rested above it, the comma occasionally blinking out and a martini glass underneath the name turning on. All in all, it was clean, but obviously frequented.

"so where you from?"

"You know, I don't know that either."

"ok, kid. you're worrying me. grab your burg and we're heading to dr. alphys. grillbz, put it on my tab."

You didn't even realize that the burgers had come out. Sans handed you a fistful of napkins and started looking around wildly. You just managed to wrap your burger before you were yanked through some weird hole in the air again. This time, you saw no faint blue line.

"Holy shit, Sans! I – "

"kid, shut it. you need help. something's real off about all this."

His expression changed to one of worry, fear, and distrust. He knocked on the door and went to go stand behind you, his hands finding purchase on your shoulder blades. A yellow-orange lizard-like monster opened the door. She was wearing large glasses that were far too large for her light hazel eyes, and a lab coat, but no shoes. Lab coat? Was this a lab?

"dr. alphys. we need your help."

She didn't seem to know what was going on but stammered a welcome to the two of you and ushered you in. She stepped aside and allowed you both past her plump form. Sans pushed you inside and turned to begin explaining before he'd even gotten all the way through the door.

"al. the kid's got no recollection of anything. not even a name. what the hell could cause that and how do we fix it?"

She looked at you with a very worried expression and turned her back on you two to go upstairs and grab some things. You heard clanging and scraping somewhere upstairs, and while she was gone, you took a quick, cursory look at her desk. It was littered with blueprints, manga, tea bags, one tea cup that kind of looked like her, some tools, and quite a few ramen cups. Turning to Sans, you chose to start a conversation, even though you honestly just wanted to run. Something deep inside you was screaming at you that you didn't want to remember anything.

"Sans? Why is this a big deal? So what if I don't remember anything? Can't I just start fresh?"

"it's a big deal because we don't know how old you are. we don't know where you're from. what if your parents are looking for you? we don't know your name, what you like, anything. and it's weird that you just keep staring at your hands like they're wrong. what's going on with that, kid?"

"I just feel like there should be more there. Like flesh. Skin. Something."

It felt natural to tell him this, even though the feeling you were getting from the situation was anything but natural. Sans gave you a weird look you couldn't quite describe, like he was staring into your soul and didn't like the results. You felt another shiver jolt down your spine and you felt like your entire body could have collapsed under that gaze. If you'd had skin, you were sure it would have felt like it was crawling. When he finally spoke, his tone made you think you were going to die right then and there.

"kid, you ever kill anyone?"

The question floored you.

"What?!"

"look, kid. i like ya, so i'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. but you have more exp and lv than anyone ever should. not like a mass murderer or nothin, but like you've killed. you. . . ."

He had been gesturing with his hands, but when he trailed off, his hands dropped to his side like he'd been defeated. His grin dropped and he rubbed his eyes, and that grating noise happened all over. It made you want to slap your hands over what you assumed were holes in your head.

"Sans? What the hell is exp and lv?"

"it's uh. . . . it's a way to measure someone's evil, i guess. yours is higher than it should be. you've killed. somewhere in the past, you've killed someone. and not just one person either. but exp stands for execution points. lv is level of violence. your lv increases the more you increase your exp. and you have more than one kill under your belt, bucko."

The news hit you like a ton of bricks and you leaned back on to the table behind you for support. You've killed? Who? Why? How? You couldn't see yourself ever doing that. Granted, you didn't see yourself doing much of anything. There was no way of knowing what you did before you lost your memories. For all you knew, you threw rotten tomatoes at old people.

Sans calmly watched you have this existential crisis, his serious face only causing more panic on your end.

"here. i'm gonna do something a bit weird. i don't like it and it might hurt. but until the doc gets back, it's the best i can do."

You gave him a look. Was he going to kill you?

"can i take out your soul? not to like keep or nothin', just to poke around a bit, get the memory back. kinda. i can place a field around your soul so it's not like it's in danger or anythin'."

You decided that all this shit was strange and terrifying, so you nodded silently. You had no idea he was being serious until you felt the warmth leave you as a green, glowing heart formed in front of your chest. Seeing that heart suddenly made you feel dirty, violated, and scared to the point you were fearing for your life. It felt like there was a second you, tethered, but separate, experiencing things all on its own and causing a wholly disorienting feeling. You just wanted to slam it back into your chest as quickly as possible. But your curiosity won out over all of that. Was this what a soul actually looked like?

When you looked to Sans he looked. . . . you didn't have a name for that expression. Was that horror? Surprise? A mix of the two? Something else entirely?

"Sans? What is it?"

"ummmmmmm, kiddo, a monster's soul is white. just white."

You were utterly confused when he muttered the word "kindness" to himself over and over. Alphys was coming down the escalator by this point, but you didn't notice until you heard a clanging and clattering noise. You had been completely ensorcelled by this thing, this heart, floating right in front of your chest, bathing everything in the room with the slightest tinge of green.

"Sans? Is that – ?"Alphys started.

"yeah, al. a human soul. but there's no monster part to it. it's just. . . human."

"Okay? Is that a bad thing?" you had to ask.

"kid. this is worse than bad. this is horrible. you're a monster with a human soul. but how?"

He trailed off again.

"how did this happen? this could be incredibly dangerous to us, alph. SHE could be dangerous to us."

He glanced at you with a face of equal parts disgust and pity, but then reached out to touch your soul, poking a single finger into the center. The pain was like being stabbed through the gut with a red-hot knife, but worse. There was no way to accurately describe what that feeling was, what that kind of pain was like. You screamed an ungodly noise and collapsed on to the floor, and the pain seemed to last an eternity. Finally, Sans withdrew his finger.

"done."

You couldn't seem to catch your breath, the whole world was spinning out of control, and your head felt like it had been split in half. You clutched your chest as it felt like your sternum was splitting into a millions pieces. You were only vaguely aware of Sans talking to Alphys.

"well, the kid's got that going for them. they killed in defense of their charges. medic of some type."

That was the last you heard clearly before the world went dark.


	2. Fear

Once again you woke up when you thought you shouldn't have been able to. Steam flowed into the room, making it hard for you to breathe. You thought that was rather odd, considering that you were sure what had happened, actually happened. You turned your head to the right and saw a giant beast-skull machine thing and couldn't help but yelp and jump back. Sans snorted from the next room.

"yeah, it's a bit spooky, innit?"

You turned to look at him incredulously, your mouth hanging open.

"A BIT?! What the hell am I doing here? Where is this? What the fuck is going on?"

"okay, okay. one thing at a time, kiddo. first. you're here because it's the best place to help ya. second. that's classified. third. you're a human in a monster's body. oh, and before ya panic, your name is jordan. i'm just gonna call ya j, if that's cool."

"Oh, yeah, that's fine."

It took you a moment to realize that that reaction was a little too easy. It must have been true then. You sat in silence for a little while, looking at this machine. It looked remarkably like a deer skull, but also like a dragon because six tubes flowed out of it and were tucked away behind the machine. It made you pretty paranoid, so you turned to Sans and stood up, brushing off the light dusting of dirt from the floor. To be honest, this whole place looked creepy and abandoned, and the sounds echoing and bouncing off the walls did nothing to help that feeling.

"Okay, so I'm here. You know some stuff I don't about me. Where do we go from here?"

"well. . . ." Sans rubbed his neck. That sound was going to be the death of you. "honestly, we don't know. this has never happened before. even your memories from right before you blacked out say nothing about how this happened or how you got here."

"Great. Just great."

"T-that doesn't mean we d-don't have possible solutions!" Alphys piped up. She had been standing somewhat behind Sans while typing away at a computer. She looked really tense, and that did nothing to settle your nerves.

"Okay. . . . like what?"

"S-so, um. . . . well, first we need to scan you. T-to see if your c-compatible with the machine b-behind you."

She held up some strange kind of device and pointed it at your feet after she got a gentle nod from you. Honestly, it looked like a tablet, but kind of shaped like a cat. It made a beeping noise as it went up and practically screeched when it reached your sternum. She fumbled with it and caught it just before it dropped to the ground. You were honestly a little impressed that she was that flexible

"Woah! T-that's, well. . ." she looked dumbfounded as she stared at the device and just stared at you. "S-Sans?"

Sans quickly crossed the room, slipping an arm into a lab coat he had acquired, and took the device in his hands. He looked freaked out for just a second before settling back to his easy smile, handing Alphys back the tablet.

"well, that's not good. heh. glad we scanned ya first."

You looked over to him. When had he grabbed the a lab coat, and why did he look so at ease in one?

"Man of many skins, eh?"

"ha, if i had any!" he retorted. "k, so we have to calibrate the machine to, uh, compensate for your soul's power versus your new body's ability to withstand stress. you might want to avoid getting slammed around, by the way."

Okay . . . .

"R-right. So I'll get on that while S-sans helps walk you through the p-preparations. He knows more about y-your anatomy than I do."

When you looked over to Sans, he was looking away and rubbing his neck again. Nervous tick, maybe? When he turned back around to you, you could have sworn you saw the slightest tinge of blue around his cheekbones.

"uh, right. heh. you'll, uh, need one of these."

He handed you an open-backed hospital gown and quickly looked away, rubbing his neck again and leaving you confused. Okay, then. No puns?

"Sans?"

He looked back at you.

"Should I be worried?"

His face split into his easy grin again, but it seemed like it was a little _too_ easy.

"nah, kiddo. don't let this get you **rattled**."

You chuckled and went back behind a nearby changing screen and slipped into the hospital gown. There was the pun. You still weren't so certain that everything was going to be okay. Everything in you screamed that this was dangerous, to just run as fast as you could, to just get away. You tried to reason it out to yourself, but you couldn't shake that feeling.

Sans wouldn't lie to you, would he? You just didn't know. You didn't know him well enough. At this point, you only knew your name and that you were apparently a medic.

You sighed and gathered your courage as you came out from behind the screen. Time for a brave face. Sans was still not looking at you. Was he nervous? Ohhhhhhh, you hadn't even considered that this might be uncomfortable for him, seeing a female skeleton practically naked.

"T-the process is r-really simple, honestly. We just attach these n-nodes to you and it's all up to the extractor f-from there."

Sans silently went over to the keyboard and began typing in something. He seemed to completely avoid eye contact with you. You assumed he was typing in a startup sequence because the machine whirred to life in front of you. An ominous purple glow started deep within the machine and slowly grew brighter in the eye sockets of this skull machine. Alphys began pulling cords out of the machine and strapping the nodes up to various parts of your body.

"sit still, kiddo. this should be over quickly."

"Are you guys sure? What are we even doing?"

"we're. . . . we're gonna ensure you're safe down here. and for that, you need a monster's soul. white. while we can ensure that you have some human traits left, it can only ever be two."

"And why wouldn't I be safe with a human soul?"

"ok, kid, truth time. humans are hunted down here. we're doing this as much for your safety as for ours. your determination is dangerous."

"But I'm a good human. I guess. I hope. Right? I don't want to hurt anyone! I just want to figure out what happened."

This was the first time Sans looked at you and this time he was DEFINITELY blushing. Suspicions confirmed. This was awkward for him, that much you could tell, but you were having a hard time deciding what that look was. Was it pity? Or was it concern?

"Look, let's just all calm down and figure out another way."

Sans sighed, looked at Alphys, and then he started disconnecting you from the nodes, still deeply blushing. He looked over at Alphys and gave an almost imperceptible nod.

"well, alright. could you change? please?"

As you went behind the screen again, you couldn't help but blush yourself, not because you felt awkward, but because you were embarrassed FOR Sans. You overheard him talking about how maybe your soul could be saved while you changed. There was already one on the way to the castle, whatever that meant. You were painfully aware of how loose everything sat on you. You were certain that your pants would have fallen by now if you didn't have a belt. You came out and looked directly at Sans.

"So. Want to tell me EVERYTHING you saw?"

"well, i'd rather not recount your potty training days, if you don't mind," he said with a smirk. "would be kinda **shitty** of me, right?"

You couldn't help but laugh, completely embarrassed. He'd seen all of that too? Great.

"Ugh. Please leave that out. Just tell me everything of relevance, so I can continue my life? Even if it is as a skeleton. . . ."

"hey, now, being a skeleton ain't so bad, bucko."

You gave him a sad smile. You couldn't have explained how this felt to Sans, even if you wanted to. Which you honestly didn't. You didn't think burdening him with this sensation would have been fair. He seemed to already have some deep-seated sadness inside of him.

"I'm sure I'll get used to it. Right?"

"Y-yes, you should!" Alphys piped up. She seemed excited at the prospect of a monster with a human soul and started devouring at the information she had gleaned when she scanned you.

"right, thanks, al," Sans said, placing a hand on your shoulder to encourage you. "we gotta go. i'm gonna take her back to my place. we could both use pap's level of energy right now. don't tell anyone about this and we'll do the same. k?"

Alphys gave Sans a knowing smile and nodded in response.

"Bye, Dr. Alphys."

"bye."

She was already lost in her own world as she barely waved at the two of you. Sans snapped his fingers again.

"Bye, you two."


	3. Kindness

Another jump later and you were in front of a simple house. Sans opened the door and walked inside. You were instantly assaulted with a loud, gravelly voice.

"SANS! YOU LAZY BONES! YOU WEREN'T AT YOUR POST! **AND** YOU'RE LATE FOR DINNER! AGAIN! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

"sorry, bro. had an **ice** time with my new friend here."

"NEW FRIEND?!"

A tall skeleton emerged from the kitchen, wearing an apron. He was waving a ladle around excitedly. He had apparently missed the pun.

"HELLO, NEW FRIEND! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!"

You shyly waved at Papyrus.

"Hi. I'm Jordan. Sans found me lost in the woods."

"she was out **cold** until i got close enough to help her. she kinda woke up on her own."

"SANS!"

"yeah, bro?"

"WE HAVE A GUEST! WHY ARE YOU MAKING PUNS?!"

"Sounds like someone's funny bone's broken," you said with a smirk.

Sans burst out in laughter, apparently frustrating Papyrus. He went back into the kitchen, throwing his hands up in exasperation, almost losing the ladle in the process.

"my bro hates puns, remember?" he gasped out between laughs.

"I do remember, I just capitalized on your pun and made one of my own," you said with what you hoped was a wink.

"perfect timing then."

"DINNER IS SERVED!" Papyrus exclaimed from the kitchen.

Sans pulled you aside and whispered for you to say you'd already eaten. Apparently Papyrus wasn't a good cook. Somehow, you felt like you had already known that.

"Thank you, Papyrus. I've –"

"NO EXCUSES, YOU MUST EAT! YOU LOOK HALF STARVED!"

You couldn't help but burst out laughing, making your way to the kitchen. Oh, if only he knew. As you were laughing, something flashed in your mind. It seared through you and made you collapse onto the floor, curling up into a fetal position and silently screaming into your hands. You could distantly feel someone scooping you up and you could barely hear anything but a pounding, deafening silence.

You remembered being in a hospital-type room, strapped up to a machine with at least 8 different tubes. Scientists were all around you. They were clearly not doctors. You blacked out in your memory, only to wake to have your flesh turning into dust and flowing off of your body in streams of wind that you knew wasn't there.

Your awareness slowly returned, making you acutely aware of how close that person was. He was rocking you back and forth, whispering soothing words, holding you just a little too tightly. The light hurt your eyes, so you squinted up at him.

"S-Sans?"

"heya, kiddo. you doin alright now?"

"I. . . . I don't know. Where's Papyrus?"

"sent him off to the store because he just wouldn't stop hovering around you. you had me doing that enough."

You gave him a weak smile.

"Thanks for that, Sans."

"for what?"

"Being there? It was really weird. I saw. . . a lab? I was hooked up to some machine and then my flesh flowed off of me into dust and streamed off into some weird wind thing."

Sans looked really angry. His white spots in his eyes disappeared and he spoke slowly and in a deeper voice.

"i need one answer from you. this machine. was the flow of the hookups going into you, out of you, or both?"

"There were green and blue ones going in, but the others were going out. Why? You're scaring me."

"those fucking BASTARDS! they did this to you on PURPOSE!"

You scooted back quickly until you hit the wall, your energy returning abruptly. Sans looked up, fury suddenly flaring to life in a blue spot in his eye, the magic streaming off to the side. He was breathing heavily and had his hands clenched up so tight you were sure it was painful.

"Sans?"

You had to repeat yourself over and over, raising your volume until you were practically shouting at him. He snapped out of his fury when he looked at you. Somehow, tears were flowing down your cheeks and he crawled over to you quickly.

"oh, shit, i'm sorry, j. it's just those fucking bastards. . . . i want to kill them."

"Why? What did they do?"

"irreparable damage. we can't return you to normal. you're stuck like this. i'm sorry, j."

He looked absolutely destroyed by telling you that.

"Hey, hey, Sans. It's okay. I'll. . . . I'll figure it out. Somehow. I just need your support."

"i guess i can understand that. i mean, you're suddenly a skeleton. it would help to have someone around who is one."

"No, it would help to have a friend."

"oh," he said and looked at his hands like he was questioning whether he could be a friend to you. "well, you don't have a place to stay, do you?"

"Nooooooooo?"

"that's settled then. you're staying here."

"Wait, what?!"

"yeah. you'll stay here, with us. you can stay in my room so pap isn't suspicious."

"Your room?!"

"yeah, kiddo. oh. is that weird for you?"

You shyly looked down at the floor.

"I mean, a bit. But we're just friends, right?" you said as you tried to give him a bright smile. "It'll be like a sleepover or camping!"

He chuckled.

"sure thing, buddy. but first, we have to go shopping for some clothes for you."

"Clothes? Ummmm, okay?"

"c'mon. you don't want to wear _my_ stuff, do you?"

"I dunno, it looks really comfy," you teased him.

He shrugged and wandered off upstairs. You laughed and followed him up.

"Okay, what have you got?"

You walked into a room you could only describe as a disaster. A huge pile of socks was tucked away in the corner and a treadmill was in the middle of the room. Was that a tornado of trash? He laughed and waved you in.

"come on in. don't be scared, nothing will bite you. there are some clean clothes in the dresser over there. i'm gonna make the bed."

True to his word, he walked over to the bed and began making it, so you turned to the dresser and opened it up. You had been joking, but all of his clothes really did look comfortable. The problem was that there were only three changes in clothes, aside from what he was wearing.

"you can borrow some of that while we shop."

You knew he was laughing. You could almost hear his smug smile.

"How the fuck do you live with only this many changes in clothes?"

"quite easily, actually. i'm a skeleton."

He said that as if that answered everything. It didn't.

"Okay. . . ."

You picked out a pair of shorts that almost matched his, except for they were a solid black instead of having white stripes, a plain white tee, and plucked out a hoodie almost identical to the one he currently had on, but this one was black.

"You really like the comfortable stuff, don't you?"

"yep. saves time. you done picking out what you're gonna wear?"

"Yeah, where are we going?"

"just down the road. i'll leave the room so you can change. i gotta check on something in the kitchen anyway."

He smoothed out the sheet he had just finished putting on and threw the pillow on the bed haphazardly.

"see ya downstairs, kiddo."

And with that, he gave a slight wave and left the room. You quickly changed and wondered where to put your clothes. You decided the sock pile off in the corner was as good a place as any.

When you got downstairs, Sans was pulling muffins out of the oven. You couldn't help but snicker.

"You bake?"

"yeah. had to feed me and pap somehow, right?"

You smiled brightly, grabbing one for yourself. You had long since been able to consume hot foods without flinching, but you realized it was an entirely different sensation as a skeleton. Your whole face warmed up to an uncomfortable level. That taste, however, was worth it.

"Wow. A regular little baker has nothing on this!"

Sans rubbed his neck and looked away.

"it's nothing. i had to use some substitutions, so it's probably a bit off."

You gave him a chiding look.

"Take the compliment, Sans. This is incredible! You're going to have to teach me some time."

"heh, sure thing, kiddo."

He looked back at you and his cheekbones were tinged a light blue.

"you, uh. . . . you ready to go?"

You nodded since your mouth was stuffed full with another muffin. He chuckled and took your hand. It was your turn to blush. It actually felt _nice_ this time.

"this way, bud."


	4. Shopping

Sans led you down the streets of Snowdin, pointing out all the shops and homes along the way. As you turned left, you saw a little cottage with a chimney, plumes of smoke billowing out the top of it, with a large hill touching the back of it.

"here we are. this is where everyone in snowdin gets their clothes."

"But it looks like someone's home."

"kinda. the lady who runs this place lives underneath the cottage. says it feels more homey."

Sure enough, as you and Sans entered, a bell rang above the door and a cute little badger woman bustled up the stairs, swaths of cloth streaming behind her. She adjusted her glasses as she squinted at the two of you.

"Oh! Oh, my! Customers!"

"just the one right now, marden," Sans said, gesturing at you.

This place seemed a whole lot bigger on the inside than it did on the outside, though that might have been because it stretched back into the hill behind the cottage.

"Oh, Sans, darling! I haven't seen you here in ages! What's it been? 7, 8 years since you last came in, needing me to patch up your hoodie?"

"sounds about right. j here needs clothes badly. alla hers got damaged and had to be thrown out."

"Oh, goodness! That just won't do! Come, come!"

You followed in the direction she waved you. She stopped suddenly, making you almost run into her.

"I'm sorry, dearie, but I can't tell with skeletons."

Marden looked up at you nervously, and then glanced over at Sans.

"woman."

That was all that was needed before she hurried off, veering to the right of the shop.

"Dresses or other?"

"Dresses?" you asked, very confused by what was going on.

She grabbed your hand and dragged you over to what looked like a fitting station, but there was a scale and several measuring tapes hanging off of it.

"Sans, darling. Would you be a dear and hold one side of the tape at the top of her head?"

He obliged and held one end of the tape up and she stepped on the other side and began jotting down measurements as Sans followed her directions. Quick as a flash, she was done and dragging you down one of the aisles, pulling out a dress here and there.

"Now, try these on. I'm not sure how flattering they will be, given your physique, but we'll see."

She roughly shoved you into a room on the side with at least 30 dresses. You hadn't even seen it until now. It was a tight fit with all of that.

As you tried on the clothes, you got the best reactions out of Sans. Whatever made him blush, you put in the keep pile. You tried the ones in the keep pile on again and picked out 4 dresses.

Marden was beaming when you came out in a dark blue number that flowed onto the floor.

"What a flattering dress, dearie! Really offsets your complexion!"

You stifled a laugh. What complexion? You were all bones and a human soul. You brought out your small selection. You weren't sure how, but all of the dresses were out of the room and back on the racks with a snap of Marden's fingers.

"Now. Shoes."

She dragged you once more into a corner of the store you hadn't noticed. Luckily, this went faster. You picked out boots, tennis shoes, and a pair of strappy black heels.

Once you were done with that and he paid for everything, Sans made a shortcut back home and let you change again. Papyrus wasn't back yet, so he said he'd make something that was actually edible.

You put on the dark blue dress and heels and walked downstairs. By this time, Papyrus was back with a loud fish lady.

"UNDYNE! UNDYNE! MEET OUR NEW FRIEND! THIS IS JORDAN!"

He waved excitedly in your direction. His jaw dropped a little when he saw what you were wearing and you couldn't help but feel satisfied with your choice in clothing. He quickly recovered and came over to you, taking your hand.

"ARE YOU FEELING BETTER NOW, FRIEND? YOU HAD US WORRIED!"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Pap. Thanks for asking."

Undyne came over too. She gave you a critical once-over with her eyes.

"Papyrus told me you had a fit and collapsed. You got a medical condition or something?"

"nah, she's just had a long day."

Sans came around the corner, stirring something in a pot. He looked you up and down and blushed deeply.

"sit down, dinner's almost done."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DINNER, SANS?!"

"oh, it got a bit webby. i wouldn't serve that to guests. would you?"

He winked at you and you had to try to keep a straight face. You failed, but luckily, Undyne and Papyrus were too busy talking to each other. You slipped into the kitchen and hugged Sans around the waist, making him jump.

"What's cookin, good lookin?" you teased, and you could have sworn you saw his blush creep to the sides of his head.

"makin tacos, if you must know."

He quickly turned around and looked you in the eyes, startling you with his closeness.

"you know, that's not playing fair, right?"

You tried to look as innocent as you could.

"Whatever do you mean, Sans?"

He just gave an exasperated sigh in response, throwing his hand up and turning back to the food.

"i'm not falling for that," he said as you let go of him, turned away and started walking out of the kitchen. You weren't entirely certain you were supposed to hear that. Still, a smile crept up your face. This was going to be fun.


	5. Blind Faith and Memories

The night with Papyrus, Sans, and Undyne passed quickly. The four of you played a few card games and everyone helped clean up after dinner. Undyne seemed to be warming up to you, though she asked several times why she had never seen you before. Thankfully, Sans having said to Marden that everything in your old home had been damaged provided an out.

"My house got flooded out and had an electrical short. Almost all of my stuff has been ruined."

"Aw, man! That's shit!"

"yeah, she said it was somewhere in hotland."

"Did I? Weird. I don't remember saying that, but it definitely was in Hotland."

"heh, you said it while you were unconscious. i believe the exact wording was "fucking hotland bullshit". what else would it be but your house?"

You pretended to look mortified.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry! I try not to swear. Ever."

"yeah, well, anyway, i've offered her this place to stay for now. she'll be in my room."

Suddenly, everything came around in your head. He'd planned this! How. . . . . You didn't really want to know, but you had to ask.

"Hey, Sans. Can I get a moment with you outside?"

Everyone in the room suddenly looked at you and the room's atmosphere got tense.

"It's about getting my stuff from Hotland. I'm just a bit embarrassed about. . . . where I am there."

Everyone relaxed.

"yeah, sure, kiddo. just let me play my hand, you play yours, and we're out. K?"

Your turns passed and Sans closed the door behind you. You started with a hushed whisper.

"Okay. If I'm going to stay here, I need to know a few things. No lies. Okay?"

He looked at you somberly.

"promise."

"Okay. First, is there any attraction between us?"

He blushed deeply and pulled his hoodie up over his head, covering his eyes.

"I'll take that as a yes. We'll lay ground rules later. Second, your space jumping thing. Mini wormholes, compressed space, what is it?"

He uncovered his face and looked at you in shock.

"compressed space. . . . how?"

"Your questions after. Third, time. Do you have any control or insight into that? Or is it like a general feeling you get?"

"insight, i guess?"

"You guess?"

"sometimes i know what's gonna happen. sometimes i don't. sometimes i see the past that hasn't happened and sometimes i see futures never to come."

"Okay. Now your questions."

"just the one. how did you have any inkling what my "teleporting" ability really was? no one ever does."

"Then no one else has any interest in theoretical or quantum physics."

"that's not an answer."

"It's the best way to answer when I myself have no idea past that."

"fair enough. i just never saw anything in your memories about that."

Undyne and Papyrus came out and both started complaining that it was Sans's turn to play.

"You got everything settled, punk?"

"Yes, I think. Sans has agreed to shortcut to the nearest location and grab what little survived, then shortcut back."

"yep. hope you don't have too much. i'm pretty weak, bud."

"Don't worry, it's not much."

"ALRIGHT, THEN BACK TO THE GAME, YOU TWO!"

"yeah, back to the game, bro."

As Undyne and Papyrus walked back into the house, you pulled Sans closer.

"We'll talk about us later, right?"

"yeah, kiddo."

"And I have one more favor to ask, but that can wait."

"ok?"

You just gave him a smile and a squeeze of the hand as both of you walked in and closed the door.

Sooner than you would have liked, Undyne said she had to go home. You gathered from the conversation that she lived somewhere called Waterfall. Made sense, since she was essentially a humanoid fish.

Everyone said their goodbyes and you were both relieved and horrified when you were left alone in the room with Sans. You weren't looking forward to the strangely intimate conversation you were about to have with someone who was essentially a complete stranger. You wondered if you could do the same thing he had done with your soul, but you really didn't want to make him go through that anguish. Sans rounded the corner with a couple muffins as you had a look of pain, clutching your dress from the memory, right above where you knew your soul to be now.

He rushed over and put down the muffins on the couch. As soon as his hands were free, they were on top of yours, a look of concern evident on his face.

"you okay, kiddo? what's up?"

"Just remembering the pain I felt when you were poking around in my soul."

"i'm sorry about that. i had no idea it would be so painful for you. maybe human souls are that much more sensitive since they're not as balanced? if you were to do that to a monster's soul, it would just be highly uncomfortable."

You looked up at him, not wanting to ask. You hoped he wouldn't pick up on that.

"you want to know about me the same way i know about you."

You hung your head. For some reason, you felt dirty just having those ideas, and depressive thoughts began to swirl in your head. A bright white light filled the room and broke you from your self-deprecation.

"you've got 10 minutes before i die. if i get my soul back before then, i'll just be really REALLY tired for a few days. my soul MUST remain within 5 feet of me. understand?"

You looked up, on the verge of tears. He was literally entrusting his life to you, willingly.

"I do."

"okay. i'm trusting you, kid. and one more thing."

He took your hand and extended your index finger towards his soul. He gave you a soft smile.

"you can't tell my bro about anything you see. ever."

You were about to ask why, but instead of waiting for your response, he jerked your finger into his soul. Thousands of images flashed through your mind, but somehow your brain made sense of it all. You weren't sure how. You didn't want to figure it out right then. Sans's life was in the balance. Not the time to ponder things.

About 6 minutes passed before you were done seeing everything there was to see, including you and him in the lab, right up until that exact moment. There was a surreal feeling as you looked at yourself through his eyes, but you knew you couldn't linger. You pulled your finger out with an incredible amount of effort and Sans slammed his soul back into his chest.

"okay, enough of that. feel like i'm gonna hurl."

"I'm sorry."

"i volunteered. hopefully you don't think less of me with all of that. i haven't even shown pap any of that. but, s'only fair."

He grabbed the muffins and offered one to you. You just realized how hungry that made you, how exhausted, so you gratefully accepted.

"so?"

"Wow."

That was all you could get out. You rubbed your eyes and stifled a yawn.

"yeah, i agree. bedtime."


	6. Depressive Weights

Author note:

Sorry about how short this one is! I wanted to keep this as short as possible so the next chapter would have more content and less spoiling.

Thank you to everyone who has read my fan fiction thus far. Please drop a review for me to read so I can improve my writing.

When you woke up, you found yourself tangled with both the sheets and Sans, who was still sound asleep. You tried to gently detach yourself from him, but any slight action made him stir and you couldn't bear to wake him. He'd been through enough in just the last day.

You decided to instead review what you had seen the night before, closing your eyes.

Sans was in many different timelines, but so was everyone else. The difference was that Sans remembered. He had seen his brother and his friends die how many times and still kept quiet? The burden must be immense, but from what you had seen, he never acted without reason. Why was he keeping this knowledge from everyone else? You saw in one timeline where he warned everyone, and it only resulted in everyone dying in a small, cramped corner of Hotland. Another timeline where he took all the souls himself, breaking the barrier himself, only to use the power of reset after a vote with the still-conscious souls. "back to the loop," as he called it in that memory. You dug a little deeper.

Sans in a suit and tie, dancing with a younger Dr. Alphys, him nuzzling her cheek before the next song. This memory radiated warmth and love. What had happened? Sans in a lab coat, typing up things that made no sense to you, a bright flash of light, and him getting slammed to the wall. Everyone else was frozen by their souls exploding, but somehow you knew someone was missing. You never saw them, but they were definitely missing. Deeper still.

Sans in a lab, talking to a flower that called him "smiley trashbag," but he just laughed it off and called them Asriel. Sans in ratty clothing, stealing to feed himself and Papyrus. So many versions of Sans, just one now. Then you saw him fighting a small child wearing a yellow and green striped shirt. This memory was still very fresh. The child oozed evil and hate. All you could compare it to was a demon. You felt his unwillingness to fight this child, despite what they had done.

"birds are singing, flowers are blooming. on days like these, kids like you should be burning in hell."

He tried with all his might to put his anger into those words, but his feelings had been so muted for so long that it was hard for him to reach out to any particular emotion. The weight of helplessness, impermanence, it weighed down on you even now, but you knew that feeling was only a shallow echo of what he must be feeling.

You felt Sans shift and scoop you up to hold you in his sleep. How did he stay the way he was? Loving, kind, generous, funny? The answer stared you in the face. Sans had severe depression, but because he had never talked about it, nothing was ever resolved. You were determined to help him.

You let him sleep a while longer, enjoying the feeling of being held, but eventually woke Sans so you could get up and start breakfast. He just mumbled and fell back asleep. You couldn't help the sad smile you gave him. So much pain.


	7. Live

Papyrus was the first of the two brothers to wake, and he was pleasantly surprised by the smells coming out of the kitchen. You had made sure to make him a plate of breakfast spaghetti (which, if you were being honest with yourself, was just breakfast sausage in a tomato gravy on top of noodles). He was absolutely ecstatic about seeing a different version of spaghetti for breakfast.

Next was Sans, and he was coming out just as you were finishing french toast with an egg in the middle and cinnamon buns. His eyes opened wide at the plate Papyrus was eating, then he collapsed in a fit of laughter.

"oh my god, breakfast spaghetti!"

"If the noodle fits. . . ." you said with a grin. "Besides, how many kinds of unused noodles do you have in here?"

Sans shrugged and made the "I dunno" sound.

"That's settled. Papyrus. No more spaghetti until all of the noodles in this kitchen are used. First thing we're making? Swedish meatballs."

Papyrus's puppy dog expression made your heart drop. Oh, shit.

"Come on, Pap. It's like an alfredo. We can do this. We just can't waste the noodles here."

Still puppy dog eyes. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU –

"you know, pap. she's right. we can't just use spaghetti noodles. why don't we compromise and make spaghetti for lunches and other things for dinner?"

Papyrus looked like he was deep in thought and then shot up from the table, making both you and Sans jump.

"I WILL AGREE TO THIS!" he shouted, waving his finger in the air dramatically.

You couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped from you. Holy shit. . . . that was close. You quickly removed the breakfast from the heat and onto two plates. Sans mouthed "thanks" to you and you blushed a little.

The rest of the morning passed relatively quickly. You followed Sans to his work while Papyrus stayed behind to make the spaghetti for lunch.

"hey, buddy. thanks for that back there, but you should know my bro has an unhealthy amount of love for spaghetti."

You laughed a little and smiled.

"So I've noticed."

Both of you walked in silence before Sans suddenly stopped and turned to you.

"so. what was this favor you wanted to ask of me?"

You steeled yourself before opening your mouth.

"I know it's stupid and probably impossible, but could you try to share my memories with me? I feel so. . . . empty. Like my heart and head are voids that come up with impossible things like words and theories."

"oh. sure thing, buddy."

He rubbed his chin for a bit before smiling mischievously.

"two ways we can do this. one. you poke around in my soul again. that's not only dangerous, but exhausting for both of us. or two. we combine our souls outside our bodies. this gives more room for error and an amazingly long lifespan for a monster soul, considering it will be entirely engulfed by the human one."

He shrugged.

"personally, i vote for option two."

You had to agree. Anything to keep Sans safe.

"But what if someone comes along and sees the human soul?"

"i'm a sentry," he said with a shrug. "they'd probably think i did my job for once."

You couldn't help but snort at that.

"So why didn't you take my soul?"

"we need a soul of determination, not kindness."

"Wait. There are different kinds of souls?"

"yeah, kid. just look back over my memories."

"Okay, I'll do that, but later."

"sure thing. ready?"

You were as ready as you could be. Sans pulled out your soul first. It still felt dirty and exposed, but you had to know. When Sans pulled out his soul and combined it with yours, suddenly, the world burst with more color. Even the snow wasn't just white. There were slight blue and purple hues here and there, red in some places too. It was incredible.

"woah, wasn't expecting that," Sans said and rubbed his eyesockets. Even the grating noise of that couldn't dampen the beauty of the moment.

"Yeah."

Both of you sat down and stared at the scenery for far too long before you broke the silence.

"Right. We need to get this done."

Sans shook his head violently, like he was trying to get rid of something.

"sure, bud. let's get goin'."

He pulled your finger close to the souls again, but flicked your finger from his soul into your own. This felt less like an intrusion than last time. It felt like. . . coming home.

You saw your family. Your mom on Christmas crying from laughter because your dad made an inside joke from their college days. You saw your younger self in your bed reading Scientific American by flashlight because it just fascinated you. You saw your little sister getting a pretty deep gash when she rolled off her bike and down the hill in your back yard. You saw your grandparents offering you cookies and warm milk when they babysat you. You saw when you got sick. You saw yourself.

You saw when you killed. You didn't have any weapons. You used _magic_. A wall of pure green energy incinerated everyone in its path. Nothing but dust was left of those people and their weapons. You were protecting your little sister. Her friends. Your troop. After you used all that magic, your past self doubled over and puked up the measly amount of rations you had taken for yourself. And immediately after, you prayed to the God of the people you had just killed to take their souls gently. To show mercy. You couldn't show them mercy, but you begged their God to.

You'd seen all you wanted to. You were crying and tried to remove your finger, but Sans grabbed your hand. He kept it in place, like he wanted you to see more.

You saw when you got back to your base, all of your charges safe, if a little starved. And you saw getting kidnapped. You were taken to that lab. They did all kinds of tests on you, straining the limits of your determination to live. Torturing you to make you use magic again. You refused all of their attempts, over and over again. Then your memory of the lab and getting strapped up happened again. But there was more. One of the scientists, the one that always stopped the testing before you died, came and opened a portal and shoved you through. He said one word.

" _Live."_


	8. Knock, Knock!

Sans smiled at you and helped you remove your finger from the combined souls.

"this is why i trust you."

"What?"

"you killed for someone else's sake. you didn't kill to kill. you killed to protect. and you hated it. you prayed for their souls. you've already seen i'll do the same. that i've done the same. you and me, kid. we aren't that different."

You sat there for a moment, dumbfounded. You could use magic. Sans liked you even though you had killed. Someone on the surface saved you. Who was that man? The warmth of your soul being returned shook you from your introspection.

"c'mon, bucko. time to move on in this patrol."

You had a thought hit you.

"Hey, Sans?"

"yeah?"

"Why haven't you been joking around with me?"

He rubbed his chin.

"i guess because I see nothing **humerus** in this, **tibia** honest."

You laughed, but it still concerned you.

"no, in reality, all of this is a little much for either one of us to deal with right now. so i put up a front for everyone else. and for your sake."

"My sake?"

"don't want anyone guessing you're not a monster, right?"

"Oh."

"that all of this happened to you mere days ago is amazing," he said and looked at you when you stopped. "yeah, i saw that all too. glad it broke through. but that wasn't my soul telling you anything. that was all you. your determination."

You started crying into your hands. You remembered your sister, broken, riddled with bullets, in a war zone. Your little sister. All alone.

"My sister has no idea what's happened. My parents. My friends. My troop. No one knows. I was their only medic! The other two gave up the ghost with a roadside IED. Oh, God, what are they gonna do?!"

Sans came over and just let you cry into his jacket, holding you gently.

"I got kidnapped, but I can't help but feel like I've abandoned them. They NEED me!"

"if you remember correctly, your sergeant had already informed command of the missing medics and your troop's desperate need for more. you were on the front lines, after all."

"But they need me NOW, Sans!"

"they'll be fine, kiddo. for all they know, you're AWOL."

"I've failed them, Sans. I've failed everyone."

He forced you away from him and shook you violently, making your bones rattle.

"you haven't failed ANYONE. k?"

"Hello?"

The door you saw when you first came to the Underground was right in front of you. You didn't even realize it.

"Is anyone there?"

"yeah, i'm here, lady. brought a friend today. she's real **rattled** right now."

"Oh, the poor dear. Whatever is the matter, my child?"

"I've failed. I've failed my sister and my friends."

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY, J?"

Sans shouting at you scared you shitless and you immediately stopped crying.

"I'm sorry."

He stepped closer to you and whispered in your ear.

"soldiers don't say sorry."

"I'm not a soldier. I'm a medic."

"there we go. you did your job. you saved lives. none of this is your fault."

He lifted your head so you were forced to look into his eyes.

"you. you're a good person. never doubt that again."

Then he hugged you tightly and let you release a few more tears into his jacket. When he released you, he turned to the door.

"sorry, lady. she's been like this for a while now, and someone had to snap her out of it."

"No, I understand, young man."

An uncomfortable silence filled the air until Sans went up to the door and knocked on it.

"knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"etch."

"Etch who?"

"bless you."

The lady on the other side of the door burst out laughing. You couldn't help but laugh too.

"My turn?" you asked Sans.

"sure, kid."

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Cereal."

"Cereal who?"

"Cereal nice to meet you!"

She laughed loudly again. Sans looked like he was super proud of you as he laughed too.

"good one."

You mock bowed in response, which only made Sans laugh harder.

"I have one," said the voice behind the door.

"ok."

"Knock knock."

"who's there?"

"Mikey."

"Mikey who?"

"Mikey wouldn't work. Why do you think I'm knockin'?"

All three of you were laughing now. This passed as a conversation for a long while, each of you taking turns until you settled into a "normal" conversation. It was a nice breather from all the hectic-ness of the last few days. Eventually, you and Sans had to excuse yourself and head back to Snowdin.

"Well, that was nice."

"it was. i had no idea you could pull out puns like that."

"Memories only say so much, darling."

You laughed and kept walking while Sans froze and covered his face. You knew he was blushing and you had to smile.


	9. Integrity

You found yourself meandering through the streets of Snowdin while you waited for Sans to catch up to you. Some ways down the path, you could see Undyne and Papyrus talking excitedly, or at least that's what you guessed the excessive amount of hand waving was about. You walked slower and slower, not wanting to deal with them by yourself.

"my bro is so cool."

You would have jumped out of your skin if you had any. Sans had jumped right next to you. You didn't hear anything, not even the crunching of snow where he landed. If you were being honest, you wanted to smack him. You barely restrained yourself from doing just that.

"Sans!"

"heya."

You rolled your eyes. Sometimes the little twerp was more trouble than he was worth, but he kept you safe and you felt at ease with him. It still bothered you that he wouldn't talk about his problems with anyone, though.

"Sooooooo, I don't really feel like talking to them."

"yeah, me neither. jump to my room?"

"Sure. I don't see a better solution right now."

You blinked and you were there in Sans's room. The smell hit you like a ton of bricks after being outside for so long.

"You really aught to clean up."

"nah, s'not fun."

"Not everything worth doing is fun, Sans. Like showering. Something I'm planning on doing soon."

"eh, then you do it, if you're adamant. i'll just go to sleep."

You sighed, but crawled into bed with him, cradling him. He was definitely the small spoon in this situation. You weren't much taller, but still.

"I'll do it later. For now, I'm really drained."

You pulled him even closer and fell asleep almost immediately. When you awoke, there was no Sans in your arms. You figured he teleported away. No, the strange thing was Papyrus standing over you, looking at you very disapprovingly.

"PERHAPS YOU ARE TAKING ON THE TRAITS OF MY BROTHER, LITTLE ONE."

You couldn't help but chuckle. Maybe you were.

"Sorry about that, Pap. Sans was going for a nap and I was exhausted before that, so I joined him."

You gave him your best apologetic look.

"I'm sorry if I've upset you."

"NEVER FEAR, FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE ALREADY FORGIVEN YOU!"

You couldn't help but smile. This big guy was just so lovable.

You sat up and motioned for Papyrus to leave, but then you realized you had no idea where the bathroom was. When you realized this, Papyrus was already vaulting over the balcony down to the bottom floor. It was actually impressive to watch.

You spent a few minutes fumbling for any clue about where the bathroom was located before Sans chuckled beside you. Again. All his jumping was going to be the death of you.

"s'here."

He lifted the bottom right corner of the bone art frame and unlatched it for you. You couldn't help but look him up and down, trying your best to look grossed out by the state of him.

"Maybe _you_ should shower first."

"nah, already had a shower recently."

Somehow you doubted that. You doubted it very much. But you gave Sans the same treatment he usually gave others, shrugging and just uttering the syllable "k". He didn't look overly impressed, which just made you laugh internally. You decided not to give him any satisfaction until he showered. He kept trying to throw puns at you, but you refused to budge or smile.

"ugh, fine. i'll shower, _your majesty._ "

"Good. And in the meantime, I'll begin cleaning."

The result was almost a strangled moan and you barely suppressed your smile. First step in recovery with depression: take care of yourself and your environment.

You walked into Sans's room again and tried to assess the damages. Sock pile, now dirty sheets, dirty clothes, trash. Those were the major sore spots. Seriously. How much dirt was caked on his bones?! There was fine dust all over the bed.

You looked in the dresser for a clean sheet set, and thankfully there was one. You changed that first, deciding that the clothes and socks should go in the fitted sheet as a kind of knapsack. It was far more difficult than you had anticipated to pick the socks out of the weird tornado that Sans had going in the corner. When you turned around, Sans was casually leaning against the door frame with a towel around his waist and drying his skull with another smaller towel, watching you curiously until you looked at him. He immediately turned bright blue in the face and stared at the ground, rubbing his neck again.

"uh, heh. sorry, kiddo. forgot to nab some clothes."

You just looked down into the armful of socks you'd collected, willing yourself not to blush. You turned around and plopped all the socks into the sheets. You busied yourself with pulling it all into an easy-to carry ball while Sans quickly crossed the room for a change of clothes, silently accepting your actions as a way of saying "go ahead". He left the room and shut the door behind him.

Well, that was awkward. You only left the room when you heard him yell up that the bathroom was free from downstairs.

After you showered, you taught Pap how to make Swedish meatballs. He took your teachings very well, though he grumbled a few times that it just wasn't spaghetti. His face when he tasted it, though, was well worth dealing with his grumpy nature during cooking.

"WOWIE! THIS IS PRETTY GOOD!"

You smirked and gave a wink to Sans, who was devouring this food like a ravenous wolf.

"Maybe you could teach this to Undyne, Papyrus."

"I THINK SHE'D LOVE IT TOO!"

He was grinning ear to ear at the prospect of teaching Undyne something for once.

A few months passed like this, you teaching Papyrus how to cook and Sans actually eating at home for once. Undyne and Alphys came over every now and then to watch anime with all of you. You enjoyed their company and the house became the social hub of your new friends. You and Sans got into a routine for how things would work while sharing his room. Papyrus was overjoyed at the prospect of someone else taking an interest in his brother's well-being, though he frowned whenever he saw you doing things for Sans, instead of making Sans do it himself. You knew, however, that was a losing battle, so you just waited to do things until Papyrus was out of the house. You barely even got Sans to agree to a shower every three days. Sans taught you a thing or two about souls and you devoured the information.

Soon enough, though, there was a snag.

Sans came home one day with a small bundle of bones. Another former human. They looked pretty beat up and they were bleeding. How did skeletons even bleed? Judging by their size, they couldn't have been more than 10.

Fury boiled inside of you. This was a CHILD!

You did your best to help Sans, but without knowing how to reach for your magic, you couldn't do much. Papyrus did his best too, but quickly became tired from his efforts. He barely even questioned where this child had come from because he was too concerned about whether or not they would live.

A couple of days passed and the child still did not wake up. Both Sans and Papyrus tried to heal the child until they were totally out of energy. Sans said their HP was slowly going down, and when you asked what that meant, he just said it was hit points. You weren't sure what that had to do with anything, but judging by his expression, it was bad. The kid was dying.

Three more days passed. And they were dust. Their soul floated in the room, filling it with light, and slowly dimming until it too dusted. A blue soul. Integrity.

You counted your lucky stars that Papyrus didn't see the soul, both so he wouldn't have to watch the child truly die, and because you didn't want him to question it further.


	10. Moving On

The atmosphere in the house was somber. Undyne and Alphys stopped by more often, and Undyne even offered to work at one of Sans's sentry stations for him while he was "feeling under the weather" and recovering. Even Papyrus's normally indomitable cheeriness was absent, making the whole house feel wrong.

King Asgore stopped by to check on Sans and Papyrus after Undyne told him about the child dusting. He seemed surprised to see you, but otherwise gave no acknowledgment that your existence in the house was odd. He had brought food and tea and sat with you for a while, offering comfort to the three of you.

"So you say you don't know who this child was?" he said as he had a spoonful of the food he brought.

"no, we don't have any idea. found them in the woods with broken bones. they were bleeding pretty profusely, so I brought 'em home in the hopes that pap could help 'em."

"YES!" Papyrus exclaimed, his tone of voice becoming heartbreaking for you. You scooted closer to him and held his hand.

"We all tried and failed to help them. Nothing was working."

"I see," the king said before hanging his head. "You did what you could, but that doesn't lessen the impact of this loss on the Underground. I will ask around and see if anyone is missing a child, so their hearts may find closure. In the meantime, if any of you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask."

"thanks, asgore."

"YES, WE APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT, YOUR MAJESTY."

"Thank you, Your Majesty."

Once the king left, Papyrus went to his room. Both you and Sans went to listen in at his door. The poor guy was crying quietly. Sans motioned you back downstairs.

"maybe it was a bad idea to get pap involved. i mean, look at him now. it's tearing him apart."

He held his head in his hands, his smile finally dropping a little.

"i'm a shit big bro, ain't i? i shoulda shielded him from this."

You helped him to sit down on the couch and took his hands in yours.

"Sans, you did what you could for that child. Those scientists did this. Not you."

"but i hurt my bro in the process. he's exhausted, sad, blaming himself. . . . he doesn't even feel like cooking now. shoulda handled it better. maybe. . . maybe if i took the kid to alphys?"

He helplessly looked at you. His smile completely faltered and tears started to well up. This is the first time you saw him crack like this. He blamed himself for everything.

"You did everything right. But even when you do everything right, it doesn't guarantee success."

"doesn't excuse the failure," he said with an angry look, tears falling finally.

And with that, he teleported out of the house. You looked at where the kid had died on the couch. The stain was long gone, but the memory lingered. No one ever sat in that spot. You decided it was time to do something about the memory. It had been over a month at this point. Something. Anything. Something had to be done. You had an idea and mixed some stuff for ice cream and placed it in the freezer before moving on to the couch.

You found yourself struggling with the couch and pulling it through the doorway. Soon enough you were at the cliff face, pushing the couch over it. A couple of the town kids were watching you with curiosity, but you scared them off with your determined look. You had some money from selling little baked goods out of the house and went to purchase a new couch and seven new movies. You called Alphys and Undyne on the phone Alphys had made for you. Your plans were coming together. Sans was coming back as the new couch was being put together by two burly fish monsters, with you directing traffic.

"the _hell_ is this?"

"Sans, that couch was a reminder of our failures. Of the poor child we couldn't help. We can't keep going on like this. I chose a couch with the exact same amount of comfort, but this one is a lot bigger. Now everyone can sit on it comfortably and we can at least move on a little. There's nothing more we can do. We have to move on."

"where's the other one?"

"Over the cliff."

He stood in shocked silence.

"you. . . .threw our couch. . . . over a cliff? . . . . by yourself? . . . . to make a point?!"

"Yep."

"you're kinda scary when you want to be, ain't ya?"

"Only when necessary."

You were only mildly surprised Sans wasn't angry with you. Papyrus came downstairs finally, trying to figure out what all the commotion was.

"WE HAVE A NEW COUCH, BROTHER?"

"courtesy of our friend here."

The fish finished up and you paid them in full, giving them a tip on the side as well.

"Now. You two are to sit and watch TV while I make dinner. Is that understood?"

You used your best mom voice and to your surprise, it worked. Both of them looked like they were spooked into compliance. You had to hide your smile, but you were happy that you knew what would get them both to respond. It was going to be tough, but you had to guide them to healing.

When you stepped into the kitchen, you already had it in your head that you were going to make them some comfort foods. Mac and cheese, hot dogs, spaghetti, and for you, a mini cottage pie. Apple pie was going to be for dessert. You prepped the oven for the apple pie and put it in before moving on to the actual food. You made lots of snacks for your two guests and you made sure not to mention it to either of the brothers. You even made extra food for Undyne and Alphys, in case they came hungry.

As the three of you sat down to eat, Undyne and Alphys both showed up. You let them in and Sans conjured up two more chairs. The meal passed in relative unease and you cleaned up after everyone. You brought out the pie and ice cream you made. This was met with much more enthusiasm than the actual meal and everyone started talking almost like normal.

"Now. Everyone but Sans to the living room. We're gonna have a vote."

Everyone looked very confused and Sans followed you to the kitchen. The white spots in his eyesockets got huge when he saw all the food you had prepared.

"holy shit, j! what are you planning?"

"A sleepover. Come on. I need your magic to help me carry all this out."

He complied, but kept looking at you in a weird way. When Papyrus saw all the food, he summoned up a coffee table to put it all on.

"Right. Vote time."

You pulled out the bag with the movies out. Everyone voted for the comedy first, as you expected.

The five of you only got through a movie and a half and about three quarters of the food before you were all passed out on the couch. You were curled up with Sans, as usual, but unlike most nights, he slept soundly through the night, which meant that you got a full night's sleep too. Finally.


	11. Breakfast and Magic

You dreamed of you and Sans mock fighting. You knew it was only training because you knew _exactly_ what Sans was really capable of. Green magic clashed with blue and faded into a fine dusty glitter in the air, splashing the snow beneath the both of you with flashes of brilliant color. Sometimes the magic would go awry and Sans blinked over to stop it from doing any damage.

You decided to stop this dream and try to wake up to make breakfast for everyone, but when you woke up, Papyrus and Undyne were in the kitchen and Alphys was dreamily watching Sans and yourself. Her face immediately changed from her yellowy-orange to a deep red when you opened your eyes. She covered her face and went to sit at the table, practically glowing with embarrassment. In the middle of all of this, Sans adjusted and held onto you a bit tighter, nuzzling his face into yours. You couldn't help but blush. It was just plain adorable, you knew, but minutely irritating because you wanted to make sure the breakfast was actually edible. Undyne was nearly as bad as Papyrus when it came to cooking, you had found.

You welcomed the loud voice of Papyrus after a while. He noticed the predicament you found yourself in and woke Sans for you, shaking the both of you until Sans snorted awake. You just mouthed _thank you_ to Papyrus, but he'd already turned to go back to the kitchen. That left you with Sans and Alphys looking on from the table. She had that dreamy look again. You weren't entirely sure what that was about now that you and Sans weren't intertwined anymore, so you shrugged and turned to Sans.

"Mornin', sleepy head."

"mmmmm."

"So, I hate to ask so early-"

"EARLY?! IT'S NEARLY NOON! I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE AFTER MY LAZYBONES BROTHER MUCH MORE, NEW FRIEND!"

You just smiled to yourself and laughed softly as Sans rolled his eyes.

"As I was _saying_ , Sans, would you be willing to help me train up my magic? I haven't used it in a really long time and I want to be prepared if a human comes along. I also don't want to be overwhelmed by your bro's attacks, you know?"

Sans went absolutely rigid with shock until he realized you were basically speaking in code.

"oh. yeah, sure, bucko. not sure how much use i'll be though."

You couldn't help but give him a huge, excited grin. You were going to learn how to access your magic! On command! You were practically bouncing with excitement when the food was put on the table, your grin still plastered on your face. Everyone needed something to distract themselves with still, but healing was on the horizon. You just knew it.

"Why don't Papyrus and Undyne train too? It would be good for everyone to get out of the house for a bit. Oh! And why doesn't Alphys join us too?!"

Alphys went stiff and flushed a deep red again.

"Oh! I, uh, n-need to get back t-to the lab anyway. I l-left something unfinished there."

You sighed dramatically, but you had fully expected her response. You wondered if she had any magic at all.

"Oh, alright. But what about you two training?"

You waved your fork at Undyne and Papyrus across the table after finishing your bite. Surprisingly, they actually made a decent breakfast. It was incredibly salty eggs and toast, but still. Nothing was burnt, so. . . .

"Ngaaaah, yeah, Pap! Let's get back to training!"

She was way too excited about that and she let it show by almost breaking the table in half with the blunt end of her fork.

"ALRIGHT. IF MY BROTHER CAN FIND IT IN HIMSELF TO TRAIN, THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL DO THE SAME!"

"that's the spirit, bro."

"Good. Then it's settled."

You were positively beaming at this point and you couldn't wait to get to work.

Once again, everyone helped clean up and said their goodbyes before splitting off to do their stuff for the day. Sans took your hand and led you back to his sentry station. Alphys watched you as you left, a dumb grin on her face. What on earth had gotten into her?

"Okay, so what do we do now?"

"oh, shit. kid, you were serious?"

"Kind of? I just want to know how to reach for my magic, make bones and stuff, like you and Pap."

"oh, yeah. kinda forgot that you've only used magic once, and it was very **well done** , if i might say so."

"Sans! I _killed_ people!"

"ok, ok, that was in bad taste. but still, that was a really powerful attack you did. you totally dusted them. humans don't just dust like monsters do."

He rubbed his chin a bit before grabbing your hands and looking down at them.

"everyone reaches their magic in slightly different ways, but the principle is essentially the same."

He turned your hands over so the palms were facing up and began to absentmindedly trace shapes into your palm.

"mostly people just do it instinctively, like you did. you had a powerful emotion, in that case, fear, and pushed it out in front of you. right?"

You nodded. That's all that was running through your head at the time. Fearful thoughts about what these insurgents would do to your troop, to your sister, had flooded you and burst out into the magic that completely annihilated your enemies. Peace was not an option at that time.

"your soul is linked not only to your actions, but also your emotions. in cases like mine, being calm is when i can reach my magic the easiest. i internally reach out for the power of my soul to help me in times of need. when i start to panic, that's when i'm at my weakest. understand?"

"Yeah."

"okay. so when you attacked, you found the point where your soul and your emotions met, creating a kind of bridge where the magic could flow freely. your need was great, so you instinctively pushed more magic out."

"Okay. But how does this help me now?"

"i'm getting there, kiddo. patience."

You huffed a little and crossed your arms, which only made Sans laugh.

"impatient little bugger, ain't you?"

You glared at him until he sighed and shrugged at you, letting go of your hands.

"fine, fine. i need you to try to center yourself, like you're meditating. find a point where you can't feel anything and then reach out only with your mind and soul."

You closed your eyes and did exactly as Sans instructed. You swore nothing was happening until you opened your eyes and the entirety of the enclosure was bathed in a green light. Sans looked on proudly, leaning against his station.

"great job, kiddo. now. imagine a bone. just a single, simple bone. imagine pulling it out of a box or wiping one off and follow that same motion with your hand."

It took you quite a while to make a bone appear which only frustrated both you and Sans. He kept trying to explain in different ways how to summon a bone, but nothing seemed to work until he said it was like pulling something from a void in the air. For some reason that explanation really did it for you and you summoned one bone after the other, changing shapes here and there to make sure you really, truly understood. By the end of training, you could summon up to twenty bones simultaneously with minimal effort, but it was still tiring. Sans seemed to be tired too. Happy, but tired.

You were filled with determination.


	12. Training

You woke up after about three hours of rest. You'd only noticed the note on top of you when you heard a crinkling noise as you flopped the sheets over to one side of the bed. You crumpled up Sans's note when you finished reading it, casually throwing it over your shoulder into the tornado of trash that seemed to be a permanent fixture in the corner of the room. Muffins sounded good before you completely ignored his request for you to not make yourself bone tired.

You gathered up all the dirty clothes that had accumulated over the last week and threw it into the wash before heading downstairs towards the kitchen. You blatantly refused to look at Papyrus because you knew exactly the kind of expression he would be wearing. Grabbing two muffins and a small bottle of orange juice, you waved at Papyrus as you left the house, signing you'd be home late.

The street in front of their house was positively bustling with activity. You weren't used to it being this busy and you faintly wondered what was going on, but you were determined to get back to training. You were so focused that you didn't even notice that you passed Sans until he grabbed you by the soul and dragged you into Grillby's. He spoke in a low voice to avoid being overheard.

"k, kid. i was absolutely serious about not working yourself to the bone. we don't know the limits of your magic, and if you push past those limits, the possibility of death is pretty high."

"And how are we supposed to explore my limitations without pushing boundaries, Sans?"

You challenged him with a look and he threw his hands up in a defensive manner.

"look, while i'm glad you're excited about this, you need to be supervised. i know all the telltale signs of magic exhaustion. you don't. k?"

You crossed your arms and resigned yourself to his conditions, on one condition of your own.

"Okay, fine. On one condition."

He looked up from the burger he had ordered.

"You have to train with me and teach me what you know. The blinking thing might apply to me, but we won't know until we try, right?"

He sighed and put down the burger, turning to look at you with a leveled glare before sticking out his hand. He was obviously not happy with that, but he seemed to give in regardless.

"we got a deal, then. just don't go back on your word."

He rubbed his forehead like he had a headache and sighed again.

"ya know, i kinda knew you'd be like this. determination, amiright?"

You grinned broadly at him, resolute in your decision to train until you dropped, knowing he'd stop you before it was too dangerous.

Over the course of the next few weeks, you learned to heal, make a shield, form bones into daggers mid-attack, form bone walls to defend yourself, and how to push those walls forward in the heat of battle. The ground in front of Sans's sentry station turned into a muddy slush during your training. The more you learned, the more intense Sans got, and in time it got to the point where he was no longer just dodging, but he was blinking all over what you had both come to call the battlefield. He was both brutal and gentle towards you, always giving you breaks and healing you when you didn't block in time, but absolutely not giving you any leeway when you two were fighting. You always had to wait for breaks to be healed, or do it yourself under a barrage of attacks and under a self-formed shield. No matter what you tried, you couldn't teleport like Sans, but you did discover that you had a sprinting ability that he'd never seen before you. You kept using it to the best of your ability so you could throw him off.

Sometimes Papyrus and Undyne would come to watch, once they caught on that the two of you were training every day. On those days, both of you didn't put in your full effort, in order to keep his secrets. It was like a silent pact. Undyne gave you tips on tactics, while Papyrus helped you with your stance. Day by day, your confidence grew, and eventually this weird bonding thing became the new normal for everyone in your friend circle. Even Alphys joined in every once in a while, though she did nothing but cheer.

The fighting got faster and faster until you had almost beaten Sans in his watered-down attacks. His _real_ attacks still left you breathless and afraid. You hated being at the other end of his magic on the days that no one was watching. You understood why he wouldn't want anyone to know his real abilities, though, so you didn't want to push him any further. Instead, you suggested you train with Papyrus. Needless to say, Papyrus was thrilled.

"YES! SOME TRAINING WITH THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL DO YOU SOME GOOD, FRIEND!"

Ah, you loved your big cinnamon roll friend. And just like that, the healing truly began.

Just like his brother, Papyrus would give you breaks and heal you, but you got wounded less and he eased up his attacks the moment you got hit. It was difficult just getting him to agree to continue once you got hurt. For once, you agreed with Undyne. If you were training, you needed a merciless opponent. It was odd, asking this gentle giant to be cruel towards you. But you had to. You eventually learned how to not show you'd gotten hit so he would keep going.

But, though you liked the training, the thing you looked forward to the most was getting home every night, making dinner, and curling up with Sans. You would give each other a recap of your day, or if you were too tired to talk, you shared your souls outside of your body. It was an intimate action that you had both made a casual part of your day, and the fact that you could do that with someone made you feel safer than you had before.

But you knew those scientists were up to something, somewhere out there, and that you had to be ready if they ever came back for you.


	13. Near Fatal Mistakes

A few more months passed on like it had with Sans and Papyrus, but you had begun training with Undyne. She was much tougher on you than Papyrus, but easier than Sans. You and Sans had begun sneaking out to train more after you had complained to him that it just seemed too easy. Sure, Undyne had different attacks than Sans, but once you had learned them, it was almost impossible to be surprised by anything she threw your way. More than once, Papyrus had found the two of you fast asleep on the couch, unable to move up to Sans' room. He, however, attributed it to you being tired after training with Undyne, and Sans being a lazybones.

You hadn't thought training with Undyne was all that difficult until she slipped a spear past your shield, the head slipping through your ribs and narrowly missing your soul.

Sans explained that since Undyne believed you were a monster, she expected your soul to be in the place a monster's soul would normally be. Apparently, it was in a totally different location for a human. Since then, you took great strides to shield your soul as well as your body. You created a small bubble of protective magic around your soul any time you were sparring and continued doing so until it became second nature.

King Asgore dropped by a few more times, making it increasingly clear that he was curious about where you had come from. Sans stepped in frequently, and occasionally Papyrus would inform the king of what he had been told. You just let them step in when a question wasn't directly leveled at you.

Training with Undyne became far more exhausting as you trained more with Sans and used more magic than you really needed to to ensure that your soul would be protected. You found yourself stumbling and falling, babbling ridiculous nonsense as you blocked Undyne's attacks. Eventually, you made a huge mistake.

Three spears came at you from different directions at the same time. You blocked one, but the other two made a V and cut into your spine deeply, though not so deep as to completely cut you in half. Sans jumped to you immediately. You weren't sure how he knew you were in danger, but you suspected he could watch through his "shortcuts" and had seen what had just transpired. He was sweating as he healed you, and only sweated more as time passed.

"heya, j. just couldn't keep from working yourself **to the bone** , eh?"

You reached up for Sans and pulled his head to yours until your foreheads touched. You looked directly into his eye sockets.

"Took a lot of **spine** to make a pun at a time like this, Sansy."

"well, **tibia** honest, I find being **humerus** at a time like this is appreciated."

"Sometimes."

You gave Sans a weak smile and caressed his cheekbone.

"Do you know why I always end up like this?"

"dunno, kiddo. why do you?"

"I don't have the answer to that, but I sure like knowing you're there for me."

Sans blushed and continued healing you, though the magic felt different now. You couldn't quite describe how it felt different, other than it was slightly warmer. Perhaps that was just from you having a different emotion now than when he started.

Undyne was somewhat frozen in place when Sans was done with you as he leveled her with a glare so terrifying, you'd be having nightmares for years to come.

"if ya don't mind, i'll be taking her back to the house."

Undyne nodded, almost like her neck was suddenly made of ungreased gears, shuddering and making what you assumed were her gills, or maybe her ears, shake and fold almost imperceptibly. Sans grabbed your hand and placed his other hand underneath where you had just been pierced by Undyne's spears. You knew what was coming and forced your eyes to stay open.

What you saw was like the fastest panoramic view of the Underground that was physically possible for your mind to comprehend, and a little faster still. Bits of the Underground were completely skipped over as you went from Waterfall to Snowdin in less than the blink of an eye.

You found yourself being gently lowered onto the couch by Sans. As soon as he was done placing you, moving your legs and placing a pillow beneath your head, he teleported away, only to arrive moments later with two heavy blankets.

"pink or black?"

You giggled in deliriousness, your mind still reeling from what you saw.

"Both!" you exclaimed, grabbing for them.

You had moved slightly, and Sans shoved you down with a pillow-like bone while he approached with the blankets. You continued giggling, though you had no idea why or how to stop giggling at this point.

"sleep, kid. you're gonna need it."

And with that, Sans teleported away.


	14. With a Big Gun

A bright flash of white light woke you quite some time after you managed to fall asleep, finally calming yourself down after hours upon hours of giggling and struggling to escape from the weird burrito Sans had wrapped you in. However, something was very wrong.

Instead of waking up wrapped in blankets, warm inside of Sans's house, you were strapped down onto a cold metal slab and wearing nothing at all. The bands holding you down were so tight, they threatened to snap your wrists and shin bones from sheer pressure. The light that woke you was above you, quivering ever so gently when you tried to yank your hands free from the painful bondage.

"Ah, the experiment is finally awake. Log: J63-22C. Conscious as of 15:43 Zulu."

The voice came from a corner of the room and along with the voice came the horrendous smell of death and blood. An incredibly faint scream several rooms over made you all too aware of where you were, and how close to death you were at this moment.

You tried to strain your head to see where the voice was coming from, but your head and your neck were both firmly restrained. Your mouth was covered, but there was little point to that. You were more than capable of speech with your mouth covered or closed at this point.

"So, little sweet bee. Will you give us the magic show we begged for last time? You so rudely disappeared, and we've missed you so."

You closed your eyes and wished that Sans were here.

A jolt of electricity arced along the table, through and around you, in a way that you just knew turned your bones black. But that didn't matter to you. All you knew at that moment was the pain and you screamed the most unholy scream you had ever heard. Your sight exploded into white and it felt like your skull was exploding into the atoms that made it.

"Now, now, pet. Wishing does no one any good. And besides, it can't be quantified, so what is its real value?"

Finally, the source of the voice became clear in your peripheral vision, standing off to one side and making notes on a glowing tablet. Even from this poor light and angle, you saw that his hair was of that silvery blonde that can only be made by unnatural means. His skin was nearly as light, almost blending in with his white lab coat. He had tags hanging off his grotesquely skinny neck, but you couldn't read them. The only other thing of note was his shoes. They were purple, of all colors.

"I find it interesting that you've learned to talk. After all, you have no organs, yet you live. A pity that the one specimen that made it evaded us for nearly a year. However did you survive?"

You point blank refused to answer this man. You remembered him. He had been the lead on the experiment that had dusted your flesh. He had been the one who pressed the buttons of all the other scientists.

He merely chuckled a humorless laugh.

"I see you're still insistent on that silent treatment of yours. But you forget. We know how to make you sing."

With that the light above you turned off and the man walked away. Jaguar was his code name, you remembered.

A wicked smile played across your face as a thought crossed your mind.

What's the best way to take down a jaguar?

With a big gun.


	15. FIRE

You waited. Days were spent in the dark. No food, no water, just the not-quite-black void around you.

You lost track of the days and confusion replaced conviction. Where was everyone? How were you not starving? You couldn't even hear screams, couldn't smell the blood.

You took note of everything you could vaguely make out in the dark. Something in the room must be making the faintest light. It took you far too long to realize it was green. The color of your own soul. Somehow this knowledge fueled you a little bit, but you were feeling quite weak.

A few hours, or maybe it was minutes, after you realized your soul was lighting the room, a man dressed casually in slacks and a polo came in, tipped your table upright, and gave you a strangely sweet red liquid.

"Nutrients. And a bit of sugar."

That was all he said before he walked back out of the room. You noticed the smell followed him when he opened the door, the sounds returning as well.

Two more days passed. The same man came in with the red liquid again. This time you spoke to him.

"What is this stuff?"

"A secret from me."

He returned every day after that, looking more and more tired and weak, while you became more aware and your strength returned to you. Again you asked.

"What is this?"

He looked into your eyes and then rubbed his own.

"J63-22C. Jordan MacKay. I give you a part of my soul," he looked defeated. "Liquid determination. Nutrients for your magic. Last time I opened the portal. They've cut me off from magic by removing my soul. I can never leave this place. But you can. I've been draining the determination from my soul so you can bring help. What they've done to me is irreparable. I can never possess my soul again. I don't know why. I don't know how. But you've learned things. You can escape. You can save us."

He looked around for a brief moment.

"You must do it quickly, though. Jaguar will soon return. And this time he will put a tether on your soul. He will be able to yank you back here whenever he wants to."

"Why hasn't he already?"

"He has to break your spirit first. He dragged you back once. He could do it again."

"How?"

"Your magical signature remained. He found it and has been working on a trace for it. You're the only one who has made it."

"Why, though? What do they want from me?"

"They want to kill magic. Because if they kill it, they kill the monsters."

He pulled the cup of his determination away from your mouth.

"Go. Live. Save us."

He left you alone in the dark once more and he didn't return the next day. Jaguar, however, was there.

"Hello, pet. I hope these few weeks haven't been. . . . a struggle for you," he sneered.

Out came the tablet and on came the light. You pretended to be exhausted while you strained yourself to remember Sans's memory about summoning his blasters.

"Fuck you, Jaguar."

"Oh! It speaks! Progress!"

He made a note on his tablet and smiled the kind of smile you expect on the very worst of humanity's faces.

"Fascinating. I dosed you with four times the usual amnesiac drug, and yet you remember my call sign. Pray tell, pet. How is that?"

"Pure hatred. That's how."

You decided that keeping him talking would buy you the most time. You needed to think. There was something about pocket voids. Was that like the void you summoned bones out of? You tried that.

Nope.

Hmmmmmm, maybe it's more like a bubble in a bubble? Magic within magic?

Nope.

You threw many ideas at it until you came to the one you immediately dismissed because of its sheer simplicity. It couldn't be that simple. Could it?

You pictured a mini universe with nothing in it but one of those blasters. You reached out with your magic and touched the blaster. You sure hoped this worked. A gasp from Jaguar told you it had.

Now for the easy part. You drilled your eyes on Jaguar, aiming the giant skull-like blaster at him and thought one word.

FIRE.


	16. Burrito Time

Nothing could have prepared you for how bright the blast was, nor for how loud. A ringing sound in your ear holes just wasn't stopping. And, ugh. The smell was god awful. Singed flesh and smoking bone, boiled blood and exploded gray matter. You could feel bits of him on your bones, but you had no time to think about that. The smoke all but obscured your vision and you felt the remnants of when you had organs, feeling like you were going to cough up a lung, but knowing that it was physically impossible. You were a skeleton now, after all. Thanks to these bastards.

You summoned four pointed bones and very gently pried or picked the bindings from you, sometimes having to use them like delicate chopsticks. You had to make sure you wouldn't snap any of your own bones during this process. You silently thanked the man who had sacrificed part of his soul for you to be able to do all this.

You allowed yourself to slide down the metal slab and looked down at where Jaguar once was, now an incinerated mess. As you looked over the area, you noticed that the blaster only seemed to work on organic material, due to Jaguar's tablet and ID badges being relatively unscathed. You made a mental note of that.

"Well, guess you won't be following me now, _pet_."

The tablet was still on and signed in, by some miracle, so you seized the opportunity and erased the password. Then you searched for your own files. J63-22C. There were a lot of video files, so you downloaded them for later use. The text documents, you also downloaded. The charts. . . . . those you emailed to Dr. Alphys. You prayed they would reach her. While you looked through and ensured everything you needed was downloaded, you noticed. . . . SANS?! There were videos of you and Sans on here, of you two fighting?! You immediately decided to delete every single piece of relevant information in their data core, whoever the rest of these sick, twisted fuckers were. They couldn't know about Sans, or his abilities. There were videos of Papyrus and of Undyne as well, as though there were a camera inside of you. There were far fewer of Alphys, but it still highly concerned you, and you would have to figure out how they got this footage before you did anything that implicated anything, with _anyone_. You erased the magical trace signature that was also on his tablet, and erased any and all ghost files. Once that was sorted, you decided to play a little game. You went through their closed network and deleted certain key files, ones with charts and the ones that were the heaviest storage users. Then you decided it was time to leave. You could only do so much without backup.

Once again, you found yourself straining to remember Sans's memories, but this time of his "shortcuts." It felt like hours passed before you made any progress, creating a faint line in the air, barely present at all. Before it disappeared, you shoved your fingers into the line and forced it open. It took considerable effort, but on the other side was Sans on his bed. Alone. Crying. You kept forcing it open as you set one foot into his room. You used your back and one hand to keep it open as you grabbed Jaguar's tablet, and forced yourself through the rest of the way, then headed over to Sans.

"Sans?" you asked as you gently sat on his bed, placing your hand on his skull.

His head shot up and he blushed deeply, but grabbed onto you tightly and sobbed so hard he made you rattle over and over. He hiccuped every now and then, and eventually you wrangled your way into hugging him as well, still clinging onto the tablet. You became awkwardly aware that you were naked. You had forgotten in the relief of having actually made it back to the Underground.

"j, i'm so sorry, kiddo. i shoulda been there. shoulda known. i'm so sorry. so so sorry."

He kept repeating that he was sorry over and over again, crying enough that, were he human, he would have fainted. Eventually he fell asleep. You gently moved yourself out of his grasp and grabbed some clothes and a towel. You showered off what was left of Jaguar, changed, and quietly returned to his room, finding him awake again, panicking, patting the spot where you were sitting, like he half believed you had been absorbed by his bed somehow.

"Sans, it's-"

"are you really her?"

The question caught you off guard.

"Yes?"

"prove it. show me your soul. show me you're j."

"Sans?"

"just – just do it, ok?"

You gingerly removed your soul from your chest. It was the same, but somehow different. It was a different shade of green now, a slightly muddier green. Small, almost imperceptible swirls of a muddy brown swam lazily inside of it, and sometimes there were little splotches of brown, like over-watered watercolor paint, veining this way and that.

"if you were j, that would be the most brilliant shade of green i had ever seen, like an emerald in sunlight."

You blushed at his description. It was kind of romantic, but at the same point, he didn't believe you were actually you. You had to show him more.

"Sans, look into it. Look into my soul and tell me that I'm not Jordan."

He looked skeptically at you, and it broke your heart a little, but what broke your heart even more was the evidence that he wasn't sleeping or eating. Normally, there would be a wrapper or seven in the trash tornado, but there wasn't any. You didn't think that it was possible to have sags under your eyes as a skeleton, but Sans was proving you very wrong at that moment.

"If you don't trust me, ask Paps to hold me. I know you don't want him to know, but unless you can find a better way, that's our only option right now."

"as a matter of fact, i do have a better way."

He un-balled the sheets he was crying into, revealing the two blankets he had used to burrito you.

"burrito time."

You shrugged, but couldn't help the grin that crept onto your face. He had just said that with the most serious tone you had ever heard from anyone who was talking about burritos. You just couldn't help it, it was funny, and also a little scary.

He led you over to the bed and you tried to be as still as you could be while he carefully folded and wrapped you into this weird blanket version of an origami burrito. He checked and double checked that you weren't able to get out and then turned his full attention to your soul. You prepared yourself for the pain.

Except there was none. You heard a soft snoring from the end of the bed.

"Saaaaaaaans. . . . ."


End file.
